Pondering my role as a parent

I have recently been pondering what makes a good parent and what my role is in the lives of my children. When I think about all of the people I know with great relationships with their parents one thing really stands out to me: their parents are their number one fan, always encouraging them, telling them how proud they are of them, even well into adulthood. The most secure and grounded people I know have loving and positive parents.

I have been so blessed in my life. I have always been surrounded by an amazing support system of people who think I am the greatest thing since sliced bread. My parents, grandparents, aunts, etc., have all been crazy about me since the day I was born. That doesn't mean that they have agreed with everything I have done or that we got along 100% of the time. But, they always sent me the message that I was loved and accepted.

I believe this is how God is with us. He loves us so passionately and so fully. I believe the relationship we have with our parents can very easily shape our view of God. I am not a psychologist, but it seems like a lot of people who I know that don't feel approved of by their parents struggle with understanding how much God loves them. They seem to never feel good enough and like they don't measure up. It seems like these are the people who tend to become pretty legalistic in an attempt to please. Adults who have never received the approval of their parents seem to be still wanting it.

I am not in any way saying that I do not know some increadible people who don't feel approved of by their parents. Some of the most wonderful, loving, and successful people I know have bad relationships with their parents and have always felt like they don't measure up. But, most of them have shared with me their struggle and insecurities because of these tainted relationships.

I desperately want to give to my children what my parents gave to me; a number one fan. I want my children to wake up every morning knowing that they are loved so intensely. I want them to go to bed every night knowing that their mom (and dad) think that they are awesome. Because, I believe that this translates easily into their relationship with God. I believe it builds a confidence that is hard to shake. And, I believe it gives us a sense of security that we can't get anywhere else. It is almost like we are wired to have our parent's approval.

So, in order to achieve this I must look at both positive and negative examples. What to do and what to not do. I think it is easy for some parents to be a little neutral with their kids and not say anything. They feel proud of them but don't express it. I don't think that does anyone any good.

I believe that this is totally different than saying, "I love you." Being loved and being approved of are so totally different things. Not to mention the fact that the word "love" is so overused it is almost completely meaningless in our society. Not, that we shouldn't tell our children that we love them! Mine hear it several times a day! But, that we need to go beyond that. The phrases I remember hearing most growing up that gave me the most security were ones like:
- you are awesome
- you can do anything
- I am so proud of you
- I knew you could do it
etc.

I guess I feel like it is one of my most important jobs as a parent to be a cheerleader for Max and Sophie (and my husband too!). And, I believe that this will give my children a leg up in life and in their relationship with Christ.