Apology

I feel like I owe the world an apology today! I have been so self-absorbed lately. I think about myself 24/7 these days. I think about my kids, my husband, my income, my future, my family, my feelings, my weight, my tiredness, my insecurity, my blessings... I am OBSESSED! With myself!!

I just feel like I owe this blog an apology. And I feel like I owe God an apology. I know that he cares about me and my feelings and He loves to hear about those things. But, I also know that He is a big God with big love and He wants me to share His heart. His heart for the nations, His heart for the hungry, His heart for the lonely, His heart for the unsaved...

It is so easy to live in my own little bubble. To think about my own needs and desires and plans all the time. But, I feel convicted today and believe with my whole heart that God created me for more than that. He created me to be used by Him. He created all of us that way. And I find myself, even when I am doing things for others, doing them in relation to how they effect me. I am not the center of the story. He is the center of the story.

I've always had this little simile in my head and it is so dorky(you can laugh at me, it's okay), but I have always wanted to look like an arrow. I want when people to see me that they would only see an arrow and as we all know whenever we see an arrow we don't look at it for long but quickly look to see what it is pointing to. I want to be an arrow that points to Jesus. I know that I am so far from this goal/ambition/dream/whatever you want to call it! But, it is the desire of my heart!

So, to try to get closer to that and in attempt to get one milimeter closer to where I should be, I want to apologize! I have been so obsessed with myself that I have been missing the mark as a friend, a mother, a wife, a daughter, and most of all a follower of Christ.

I don't know where that leaves me and where I go from here. But, you know, like they say in AA meetings or someplace like that, that recognizing you have a problem is the first step to recovery!

Father God, Please forgive me for my attitude lately. Forgive me for living in a world of me. A world where I only pray for myself, think about myself, and talk about myself. I know that you have much bigger purposes for me. If You were to use me for nothing else besides being a wife and mother I know you would still want me to think of others constantly and teach my children who you are. Lord, help me to teach my childen about Your heart! Help me to show them the increadible things you do around the world for all people. Help me to not just focus on what you do and are doing for me but to focus on all that you do. To pray for others and to love my neighbor as I love myself. Lord teach me to love you first. Lord teach me to love you the most. Amen.